This date makes me cringe every time I hear the song “Eye of the Tiger” – This is actually the only non online dating story (however, I feel that it is a great qualifier because it was a blind date. It was my first experience into horror dates.
My grandmother loves to gamble and one day she came home and said “Oh honey, I met the cutest little Italian boy today…I gave him your number so he can take you on a date.” – Thanks grandma, but I’d appreciate it if you just didn’t give my number out to random guys at the casino. ” Honey he is really nice and he works there and I really think you need to go on a date with him.” My grandma is pretty awesome, so in order to make her happy I told her I would oblige.
He calls and we arrange a date. We are to meet up for dinner at a Mexican Restaurant. I’m nervous as hell because it is my first blind date. I have no idea what to expect or even know how I am going to notice this man. I immediately call my friend who was a seasoned dater and had her walk me through “do’s and don’ts” as I am pulling up to my destination. I instantly get cold feet and she basically pushed me out of my comfort zone and got me to at least drive in and park the car. Here is where it starts:
As I am driving talking on the phone with my friend-
I say “how will I even know what he looks like?” I then notice a man out of the corner of my eye and I start cracking up and I tell her “OMG- I bet this is my date!”
My friend “what does he look like?”
Me- “Oh god, please don’t be my date, please don’t be my date, oh god please don’t be my date! Oooooooooohhhh”
My friend laughing hysterically said “you’re going to at least have dinner even if that man is your date! Now what does he look like?”
Me (sigh) “Well it’s dark out and he is wearing blue sunglasses, a blue jean fedora, a blue jean shirt, blue jeans, and blue jean boots… I’m NOT going in!”
My friend “Just go in, do it for me. Start and finish the date, Mel!”
I took a deep breath and my other line rang- It was him…Mr. Blue Jean!
As we meet I try my best to disguise my smirk for a smile and we enter the restaurant. Every part of me wanted to run and hide, especially seeing how others were starring at him and his “matching head to toe gear”… I order a beer and shot before the waitress could even muddle a word. He of course doesn’t drink. We ordered food- he appeared to be nervous… which was great to see. Our food arrived…he ordered a burrito (which he ate 4 bites out of with a fork and knife and then said he was full) He then watched me eat. He stared intently at my every bite as if he was hungry but didn’t want to eat in from of me.
Our dinner conversation was interesting I learned all about him and his fascination with the Rocky Movies…all of them (he even quoted them as if I too was a fan of the movies. He dreamed of being Adrian, he said. He had a soft voice and it felt underdeveloped for man his age…but I thought with my lack of dating experience “what do I know” I just rolled with it. After dinner- he had plans to go somewhere else… I asked where and he said it was his Disneyland! I’m curious so I follow him to our next destination. As we arrived… big neon flashing lights filled the night sky with the words Fantasy Lanes Bowling! This is his Disneyland- I thought to myself.
I quickly went in and had to pay for my half- it was only fair he said. Then I went straight to the bar. I order another beer and shot so I can find enjoyment out of this experience. As the night went on, he started to say things like “I really like you” and “you are so beautiful” I simply nodded and said thanks.
If you don’t think the date is bad so far…let me spice it up for you. I went to the restroom and upon my return he states “boy I got a surprise for you! You are going to love it!”
Me “Oh yea? I can only imagine what it is…”
Here it goes, Mr. Blue Jean: “EXCUSE ME! as he looks to the people on his left…EXCUSE ME! as he looks to the people on his right… EXCUSE ME! STOP THE MUSIC!! CAN I HAVE EVERYONE’S ATTENTION PLEASE!!! as he is waving people over to us!”
And like out of movie–the place went silent people started to gather around to see what was going on… I started to funnel to back row to try to blend in with the people… in an instance I think I drank a full beer in record time as he begun to say:
“EVERYONE, I AM ON THE MOST AMAZING DATE TONIGHT! WITH THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMEN I HAVE EVER MET! MARISSA (That’s not my name) I AM GOING TO PROVE TO YOU IN FRONT OF EVERYONE HERE TONIGHT HOW I CAN MAKE SOMEONE FALL IN LOVE!
–At this point, I’m sure people were thinking this was a proposal…little do they know it is a first blind date. All of a sudden– I hear
“Dun Dun Dudadadadadadunnnn Dun Dun Dudadadadadadadun–RISING UP!!! and in one fell swoop he officially broke into a full on serenade of “Eye of the Tiger” which included rocky boxing moves and other various dance moves. In retrospect there was some foreshadowing of this–however, I would of never guessed the full four minute song would be sung to a bowling ally audience clapping and singing along.
I felt my ears getting red and I started to get a heat flash… After it was done everyone gathered around us and clapped. I smiled and felt like puking. I quickly used that to my advantage and mentioned that I am not feeling well. We closed our game and he was all smiles. He walked me out and bragged about his performance and how awesome I must think he is. He leaned in for a kiss as if this was the best date ever. I said- ” you think this went well, eh?” He replied” YES! It was awesome! I’ll call you tonight!” Me- “please don’t call me, it was nice to meet you- good luck with life Tiger!”
He said ” I don’t understand, you didn’t like my serenade?” That was the best part!!!
“Bye” I replied as I got into my car as quickly as possible and blared the music as if I could hear him anymore— and in some strange cruel twist of fate as I drove off the tail end of “Eye of the Tiger” played on a station as I shuffled through looking for music…
Little did I know that this would be the beginning of my strange dating history…